Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just invented taco cereal.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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