We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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