I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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