well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize