walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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