I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he shaved USA in his pubs
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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