it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
