Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
