New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
