Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
