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• (269): View more from Michigan

  I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.

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• (863): View more from Florida

  I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  Are we hungover?

  (713): View more from Texas

  I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  So the keyword here is "hammered"?

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• (415): View more from California

  My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.

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• (361): View more from Texas

  He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday

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