it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.