saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.