are you still at the devil's house?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
