living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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