my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
