I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
