you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
high people should be assigned attendants
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
