yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
