You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
