hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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