Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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