i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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