its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
