So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
