You just made me feel so damn special
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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