My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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