Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
