I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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