I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
