The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
