Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
