Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
