Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
