marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
