you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
