We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My cat gives me a boner
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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