I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
