put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
