i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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