i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
