He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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