I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
