Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
