It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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