How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
