so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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