happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
