Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
