if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
