New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
