He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
