mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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