I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it hurts more in the daytime
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
