they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think I sprained my soul last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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