Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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