I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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