I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
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I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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