Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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