my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
