at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
