Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
