Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
