You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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