i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
