Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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