It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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