I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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