my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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