So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dignity is for republicans.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
